In 2005 I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl.  She was the most gorgeous baby I had ever seen.  She had the perfect shaped head, not one of those cone-shaped heads you often see, and she had a little bit of hair and beautiful blue eyes.  I will never forget the moment the nurse handed her to me for the first time.  H laid peacefully on my chest and opened her eyes.  She stared at me as if to say, “So that is what momma looks like.”  That was the first moment my heart soared for such a little being.

Fast forward to 2009 and that is the other “Kodak moment” I will tell you about.  I was being picked up at the airport after being away from February through October of that year.  I was not doing well at the time, but she managed to make me smile.  Her dad brought her to the airport, and when I first got off the plane and walked into the airport, there they were.  H was wearing this little green dress with long sleeves, and it had tiny white flowers all over it.  Her blond hair was back in a ponytail, and I suspect she dressed up because she was so excited to have me come home.  I’ll never forget the huge grin across her face as she ran up to me and hugged me tight.  That little girl had my whole heart (and she still does).

Those are my two Kodak moments, moments that are unforgettable.  I imagine the only way I would ever lose track of these memories is if at one point in my old age I get diagnosed with a form of dementia.  These two memories are forever etched in my brain and burned into my heart.  My daughter is such a lovely being.  I only wish I had a better memory so I could recall other special moments like these.

I do remember some things though of when she was littler.  Pictures help, of course, but I do recall clearly what was going on in these old photographs.  There’s one of her crawling on Charlie, our old black lab.  He was so gentle with her.  He’s just kind of laying there in the photo like he didn’t have a care in the world.  There may be a picture somewhere of when H stuffed the cat in doll clothes, although I’m not sure where it’s at.  But I do recall taking a picture.  She even stuck him in the dresser drawer once!  I was putting her clothes away, opened the drawer, and the cat just looked at me like, “help!”

The pets were always so kind to her.  They never once barked or hissed at H, not even when she would pull on their fur.  They were such mild-mannered pets.  Charlie had to be put down when H was about six or seven (I believe); Rickel had to be put down last year.  I bawled both times, especially when Rickel had passed as he was still in my care, and he was my little man in a fur coat, my prince charming, my friend.

Enough about the pets.  This post is about my daughter, who has the key to my heart.  You know, I wasn’t always the most attentive mother.  Having gone through periods of depression, there were many times H wanted to go for walks and I wanted to do nothing but lay around.  (Going for walks certainly would have helped me feel better, I’m sure.)  And there was the time I sent her back to her dad’s early because I was feeling depressed and was trying to protect her from all of that.  Plus, I was afraid she wouldn’t get the attention she deserved from me.  (I did explain to her recently why, and she said, “It’s okay mom.”)

My daughter is a strong young woman.  The time I sent her back early, I could tell she was disappointed.  I could also tell she understood at the same time when a few minutes into the car ride she said, “Mom, I love you.”  I almost cried because I felt horrible but relieved at the same time that she wouldn’t hold it against me.  An earlier time when I was with my ex-fiancé, he and I had a blow-out.  I was moving stuff back to my parents and I took H with the first car load.  I remember when we got to my folks’ I made a phone call to one of my friends to tell her what happened.  I was in the bathroom, sobbing on the phone, and H came in there and hugged me tight.  This girl amazes me with her ability to adapt to change and be strong, even for her mama.

I remember when H was moving around in her first year, she would sort of scoot.  She’d drag one leg behind her, the other was kind of bent in front of her, and she’d pull herself with her hand.  It was so cute.  I don’t think she ever really got the concept of crawling, and then one day she just started walking.  It is so amazing how fast children go.  One minute they’re babies, the next they’re thirteen and talking about what college they want to go to.  (Yes, my 13-year old has mentioned where she wants to go after high school.)

My daughter is so beautiful, inside and out.  She’s polite but can have a sarcastic sense of humor (she probably gets that from me – her dad is more of a jokester).  She sings well, very musically inclined.  This kid plays the clarinet in her school band, keyboard for fun at home, as well as the ukulele.  If you have read my Life is a Struggle blog, you may recall that I mentioned that her singing along with the ukulele is like being touched by an angel.  It really is.  It touches my heart so deep I can’t even explain it.  She’s also quite creative with her art projects, and she does well in school.  She told me recently her favorite subjects are history and math.  Who knows.  Maybe one day she’ll be a college professor.  One never knows where life will take her daughter.

One of my favorite memories of her is pushing her in the stroller.  Oh, I used to push her all over the place, whether I was walking or on roller-skates.  (Yes, I had a pair of roller-skates until I almost killed myself taking a turn too sharply and quickly.)  I remember this particular time I was walking with her.  She was really little, a year or year and a half perhaps?  I remember asking her the sounds different animals make.  I just remember how cute she sounded when she would make the noises, and that kid was good.  She had each sound down with no problem.  (I can still hear her responses to this day in my head.)  I do believe this girl learned a lot because first, I never used baby-talk.  I wasn’t really into that and read in my parenting magazine that it can hinder a child’s learning of the English language.  Second, I read to her, every night.  Even when she was too little to know what was really going on, I took her to the library and picked out books to read and talk about.  H is like a sponge.  She really does absorb a lot of info, and it shows in her grades.

Now you are probably thinking I am bragging too much.  But you know what?  It’s my God-given right as a mother.  This girl amazes me and we make each other laugh every time we are together.  I can never say how proud I am, because there are not words to describe the feelings I get when I think of her.  I see a lot of stupid comment on Facebook news stories about “kids today, they’re so rude, they’re all about themselves, blah blah blah”.  Seriously, not every kid is like that.  My niece is also a great kid, and so are my nephews.  They’re all smart, well-mannered kids.  They’re not perfect, neither is my daughter, but of course no one is perfect.  But you know what?  All of them are special to me in their own ways, and they are all the best child, niece and nephews I could ever want.  They are perfect for me.